Human beings have shadows.
They live within us all, the dark shapes of our worst selves, our mean, selfish, bullying selves.
Whilst we may want to keep our shadows hidden away deep inside us, that is not the way. Suppression without acknowledgement causes a raging resentment on the part of the shadow and an angry shadow can be a destructive force in ones life.
So my suggestion is to find ways to acknowledge, accept and share your shadows with people you trust. For the simple act of giving voice to your darkest thoughts and fears in a safe, non-judgemental environment, is a powerful liberator.
So join a regular group, set up regular listening partnerships or meet your friends in an environment that is not fueled by substances that alter your perception. Stop having the same old conversations and find ways to say something new. Find a framework within which you can support others and be supported. A place where you can be your whole self, accept the whole you and live a whole lot better life.